Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
