This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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