Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
