I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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