____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
