just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
