I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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