last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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