we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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