She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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