Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
