Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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