You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
