all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
