She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
