Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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