he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
