The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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