So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
