a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
