wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
