wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
