So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
