I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
