Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
