youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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