I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize