Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
