this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
