1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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