bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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