Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
