I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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