I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
