Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
BRING THE BAGELS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
