i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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