Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
