I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
