i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
