Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
