I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
