I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize