There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
