you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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