Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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