Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
