Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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