I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
