yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
