I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
