It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
