I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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