Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
