hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
