I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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