Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
