Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
