Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
