how can u be prego again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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