you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Operation Purity has been aborted
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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