I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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