she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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