There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
