ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They have beer where we have blood.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
