i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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