She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
