I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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