dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
