he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
