well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
