Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
