He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
party gras won. party gras always wins.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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