I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
