I'm jealous of your bromance
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
