What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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