OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so let's talk penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
