The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
