It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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