I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize