you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
