I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
