just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
operation have a gay friend backfired
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
