as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I need moral support for this bender
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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