Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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