the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
