Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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