I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
