The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i permit you to call me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
