In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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