dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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