i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
