Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
