sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
